Toothpaste For Dinner archives (by month):
2010: jan . : . feb . : . mar
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2005: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2004: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2010: jan . : . feb . : . mar
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2005: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2004: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
well, the basic premise of the musical is that, if he's inside, ray charles can't tell if it's snowing
excuse me for a moment please, i have to use the mathroom
yeah, i stay in shape by flexing for five minutes every time i walk by FUN FACT: the most popular piece of equipment in most gyms is not the barbell, the lat machine, or treadmill, but is in fact the mirror
WHERE IS: - my coffee - where is it
this next one is called "why can't i find love (probably because i have severe social problems and a foul disposition)"
now let's switch, it'll be your turn to tell me to stay late the rest of the week to cover up your incompetence
MIND IF I TURN UP THE RADIO??? coworkers: worth their weight in old dirty rocks
MASTERFECE. n. a particularly large or shapely piece of poop. "did you see what i dropped off earlier today? man, i tell you what, it was a masterfece"
CIRCLE WORK RULES: everyone gets an assignment. they put their computers in a circle and do their assignments. the last one to finish has to print out everyone else's spreadsheets, put them on a cracker, and eat it.
nah, there's nothing much here, just some rudimentary tools and some bloody shreds of clothing
THE ALUMINUM SILICATE MOCHA FREEZE - stays colder longer than traditional mocha freeze - higher surface area-to-volume ratio promotes formation of ice crystals - when finished drinking, aluminum silicate can be used as substrate in pebble-bed reactor, or used for mocha freeze refill
FART SQUAD IF YOU SEE ME RUNNING, TRY TO KEEP UP (INVISIBLE FART TRAIL FOLLOWS)
you know you have picked a winner when, after less than a week at a new job, you get an e-mail of that picture comparing the parts of a toilet to the parts of a computer
well, you know, alcohol's a depressant... when you run out! heh heh ha ha, yeah, it's like, fetal stem cells are a depressant...when you run out! hah, it's like, hey, you done with that baby yet? heh heh
FANTASY COCKTAIL LEAGUE: SEASON 2 the "detroit car bomb": drop 1 shot of bourbon into a 16-oz glass of domestic beer. wait for economy to decline. serve warm the preferred beverage of all outsourced americans
i love to play pranks on other people in the office, to keep everyone on their toes and make work fun! the other day, i paid a russian agent ten grand to jab my coworker with a sharpened umbrella tip coated in ricin as he was getting on the bus! guess who wasn't at work today! uh oh! ha ha ha...gotcha! yep, that's why they call me the prankster
in my dream everyone had birdmouths and nobody messed with anyone else unless they wanted the crap pecked out of them
skrit skrit skrit QUICK FINANCIAL TIP: try not to spend more than 20% of your monthly income on scratch-off lottery tickets
FANTASY COCKTAIL LEAGUE: SEASON 1 the "canadian vacation": 1 1/2 oz. tequila 1 oz. maple syrup dash of water pour into short glass over ice and serve it's relaxing... like a weekend in manitoba
here's the report... i'll give it to you as soon as you sing me an a capella version of "hey jealousy" by the gin blossoms come on, you know how it goes, do you think it'd be awright, if i could just crash here tonight... you see, i've got no place to go and hmrrmph thhmmrmp mmm HEY JEALOUSY see, you know it, just go on and start with the first verse
BIGFOOT TRIVIA: - bigfoot's feet are actually proportional to his height and weight; he is simply larger than most humans, which accounts for the size of his feet - the term "yeti" is actually quite offensive to sasquatch, who prefer the terms "bigfoot", "sasquatch", or "totally sweet" - likes to hide in the woods and only emerges to eat your face off
drew, you've been coming in late every day for weeks, and yesterday i noticed you put up a poster that says "this job licks nuts"...are you feeling discontented with your current position? congratulations, you just solved drew's clues
hey i saw this band last night called "god speed you black emperor" were they any good oh yeah man, it totally post-rocked
FUN FACT: while most larger dog breeds express anger by barking, smaller breeds will often give their owners the finger
this weekend, a truck full of food or other sundry goods turned over and spilled its contents onto the freeway so far, over six hundred internet jokes have been made about the incident
hey kid, c'mere...you like slushies, huh? let me tell you how to make a REAL slushie you use heroin! it tastes so good! HEROIN GIVES YOU MORE TOYS HERE IS A BUNCH OF IT!!!! the main danger of city living, as taught to me by suburban elementary school
I AM IN EXCELLENT SHAPE PURE TACOS HERE
and see, man, when you buy that asparagus, you're just getting deeper in debt to the man, it's like i was saying: the vegetables are all just a code dear dude in the grocery store: if i wanted to have some philosophical discussion about the role of vegetables in government-based slavery, i'd just go back to college
FUN FACT: take some of those bumper stickers off your car
the other day i dreamed that i was at the pet store and they had seals for sale i got pressured into buying one and as i walked home with it, i thought "great, i'm going to have to build a rock pool in the utility room, or i'll never be able to use the bathtub again"
Toothpaste For Dinner archives (by month):
2010: jan . : . feb . : . mar
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2005: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2004: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2010: jan . : . feb . : . mar
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2005: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2004: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec