Superpoop: 2014
Toothpaste For Dinner archives (by month):

2014: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug
2013: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2012: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2011: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2010: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2009: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2008: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2007: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2006: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2005: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2004: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2003: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2002: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
 

Toothpaste For Dinner comic: malitol and sorbitol * Text: 

you like to poop, don't you


yes, we will help


we will help


sugar-free candy means well, but it does not always make your life better
02-29-04

malitol and sorbitol
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: a pair of banjos * Text: 

the only thing better than a banjo is two banjos, and a pair of robot arms to help you play them at the same time
02-28-04

a pair of banjos
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: hot dog buns * Text: 

if my calculations are correct, the average hot dog is so slippery that there is a 20% chance it will be dropped on the floor, thus necessitating ten hot dogs per package for every eight buns
02-27-04

hot dog buns
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: tuna burping * Text: 

urp


when scientists and doctors recommend
02-26-04

tuna burping
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: the flu * Text: 

the meeting of everyone in the world except me, 2003:


everyone!! LET'S ALL GET THE FLU!!!
02-25-04

the flu
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: the tortoise * Text: 

i hereby declare the unit of boredom in music to be known as the tortoise!*


*one tortoise is exactly equal to the boredom induced by listening to one full album by tortoise
02-24-04

the tortoise
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: robarb crystals * Text: 

what this man doesn't know is that his pizza toppings have been secretly replaced with poisoned pizza toppings


also his brake lines have been cut
02-23-04

robarb crystals
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: more bean bags * Text: 

no, don't order more bean bags we are not out of stock NOOOOOOO


while some see online business as a high-potential marketplace, i frequently have horrifying dreams about fictional merchandise and supply chain problems
02-22-04

more bean bags
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: renaissance migration * Text: 

when it starts to get cold, do the people who work at the renaissance faire migrate south


onward, you beastlies and crazies! ONWARD TO BRAZIL!!!


hoorah
02-21-04

renaissance migration
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: ride the bus * Text: 

USE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION


AREN'T YOU DYING TO WAIT OUT SIDE FOR TWENTY MINUTES IN JANUARY SO YOU CAN SHARE YOUR SEAT WITH AN OBESE SCHIZOPHRENIC


RIDE THE BUS
02-20-04

ride the bus
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: mission accomplished * Text: 

we have reviewed the results of the war and are pleased to let you know that jessica lynch sent a smart bomb down the chimney of a biological weapons factory moments before pulling saddam out of the spider hole with her bare hands


MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
02-19-04

mission accomplished
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: i like your shirt * Text: 

hey i like your shirt where'd you get it?


my favorite answers to this question:


1. i found it balled up in the back seat of a taxicab, covered in blood


2. oh, i just beat up some old dude and took it...isn't it cool


3. thank you, now sir if i could ask you for a favor, see, i am stranded, sir, just one dollar would help
02-18-04

i like your shirt
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: my coffee commercial * Text: 

coffee: because there is no reason to be miserable every day until you die
02-17-04

my coffee commercial
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: the cincinnati paper * Text: 

welcome to cincinnati


METRO SECTION: WHAT'S GOING ON IN TOWN


all the independent businesses are closing, everyone cool moved out of town years ago. NO CONCERTS ART SHOWS OR INTERESTING PEOPLE ANYWHERE. TRY NOT TO DIE FROM BEING DEPRESSED BECAUSE WE NEED YOUR TAX MONEY TO BUILD A NEW STADIUM
02-16-04

the cincinnati paper
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: plot the graph * Text: 

yo why don't you plot the graph of y equals your mom squared
02-15-04

plot the graph
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: procrastinatron * Text: 

look at me! i am PROCRASTINATRON, THE ROBOT WHO WAITS UNTIL THE LAST MOMENT TO DO EVERYTHING!


BEEP BOP BLOOP
02-14-04

procrastinatron
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: job application * Text: 

TO APPLY FOR THIS JOB:


complete this application, enclose your dignity, sense of self-worth, and a copy of your drivers license, and mail to us
02-13-04

job application
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: instead of kids * Text: 

no! no! no! no!


instead of having kids, i am going to just get a parrot, and at age two i will teach it to say
02-12-04

instead of kids
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: communications * Text: 

there is a slight dip in the economy! FIRE EVERYONE!!! PARTY AT MY PLACE


what happens to people who major in
02-11-04

communications
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: hukka hukka hukka ch ch ch * Text: 

hukka hukka ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch


one music style i will never understand: drum and bass (if i wanted to hear loud chattering and syncopated rattles, i would set my air conditioner outside in the winter and turn it on)
02-10-04

hukka hukka hukka ch ch ch
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: cool vs not cool * Text: 

NOT COOL: pretending to talk loudly on a cell phone to make fun of people who talk loudly on their cell phones


OH YEAH SELL THE STOCK, NINETEEN, BUY THE OTHER


talk talk talk


COOL: dousing cell phone users with gas and setting them alight


AAAAAAAAGHHHHH
02-09-04

cool vs not cool
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: hoboflex * Text: 

okay, now move your arms up, and down, and up, and down, and up, and down, now reach, reach, reach, reach, now give me a dollar


introducing the revolutionary new exercise system: HOBOFLEX!!
02-08-04

hoboflex
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: dressing like hipsters * Text: 

i have uncovered the compound responsible for people dressing like hipsters


it is called
02-07-04

dressing like hipsters
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: computer modifications * Text: 

grrrrRRRRRrrrrrrrrrRRRRRrrrr


as you can see, my modifications have turned this workstation into a low-to-the-ground SPEED ANIMAL!!! go on, load up the internet, feel the pickup on this thing
02-06-04

computer modifications
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: beautiful day in the * Text: 

welcome to mister frotteur's neighborhood
02-05-04

beautiful day in the
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: for your sins * Text: 

jesus pied for your sins
02-04-04

for your sins
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: deport ani difranco * Text: 

i am going to run for governor in 2004 and my platform is going to be
02-03-04

deport ani difranco
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: cup of doe * Text: 

my name is jim, i will be your server today, can i get you started with a nice hot cup of doe


this is only a preview of the best restaurant idea ever: a 24-hour venison-only diner
02-02-04

cup of doe
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: you hef fun * Text: 

go on, play vith it now, you hef fun


the worst part of my seventh birthday was when i realized that my grandpa was only one of thousands who were too cheap to buy a real slinky and instead took an old, rigid truck spring from his garage and gave it to me instead
02-01-04

you hef fun
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Toothpaste For Dinner archives (by month):

2014: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug
2013: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2012: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2011: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2010: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2009: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2008: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2007: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2006: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2005: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2004: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2003: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2002: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec