Superpoop: 2014
Toothpaste For Dinner archives (by month):

2014: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul
2013: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2012: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2011: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2010: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2009: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2008: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2007: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2006: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2005: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2004: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2003: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2002: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
 

Toothpaste For Dinner comic: leaving work early * Text: 

leaving work early is like a present you can open again and again
09-30-03

leaving work early
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: a bat got inside * Text: 

oh no


last night a bat got inside and wouldn't leave so i hit it with a broom and then realized: OH NO what if a goth finally figured out how to turn into a bat and i killed it?!
09-29-03

a bat got inside
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: printing constantly * Text: 

reep reep reep


WARNING:


printing out things constantly can lead to a higher incidence of head punches caused by coworkers
09-29-03

printing constantly
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: more than one eye * Text: 

when i wake up in the morning i can never keep more than one eye open at once
09-28-03

more than one eye
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: double major * Text: 

i have a double major in TWO DIFFERENT liberal arts!


too bad you don't even know how to drive a car
09-27-03

double major
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: todays menu chefs choice * Text: 

why do all chefs like dried-up meat and watery sauce
09-27-03

todays menu chefs choice
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: fishing exaggeration * Text: 

the last time i went fishing it was THIS DUMB


no, wait, more like this
09-26-03

fishing exaggeration
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: lode runner * Text: 

you got the heavy chevy on channel one nin-ah, come on back lode runnah


when i was little i thought the best CB handle ever would be LODE RUNNER
09-26-03

lode runner
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: fifteen percent * Text: 

the bottom line is fifteen percent, TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT!!


what


the best way to end a conference call is to scream at the people on the other end that they can have a certain percent, take it or leave it, regardless of what you are discussing
09-25-03

fifteen percent
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: gay high school * Text: 

have you heard about the gay high school they are building in new york


i don't think that it will work, students will just pass each other in the hall every day, muttering under their breath,
09-24-03

gay high school
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: my masters degree * Text: 

i am going back to get my master's degree next year


congratulations, you are finally more useless than a weblogger
09-23-03

my masters degree
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: ohio state fair * Text: 

funnel cakes, kids with rat tails, and immensely fat people - i love you, ohio state fair
09-23-03

ohio state fair
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: hurry it up * Text: 

the last time i was at the post office some dude with long hair and black jeans was taking forever to pick out what kind of stamps he wanted, so i told him, HURRY IT UP, DUNGEONMASTER!!


he got kind of mad so in retrospect i think i should have said, GET A MOVE ON COMMANDER KEEN
09-22-03

hurry it up
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: if i had a dollar * Text: 

if i had a dollar for every time i had sixty cents, i would be canada
09-21-03

if i had a dollar
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: another day at the post * Text: 

heh heh, another flat box, are you an artist


pretty much


do you paint nudes


sometimes


how do you get them to hold still


i slit their throats and nail them into a sitting position using an old school desk


another day at the post office
09-20-03

another day at the post
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: a whole fast food burrito * Text: 

no matter how hungry i am, i can never eat a whole fast food burrito
09-19-03

a whole fast food burrito
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: hamster i will hold you up * Text: 

HAMSTER i will hold you up, you will look at these things


if your pet fits in your pocket, you have no excuse not to take it to the museum with you
09-19-03

hamster i will hold you up
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: you can get starter married * Text: 

then one day, when you love someone enough to live with them for six to eighteen months, you can get starter married too!!
09-18-03

you can get starter married
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: technical fouls * Text: 

y'all is suckaz


S-U-C-K-A-Z


in the seventh grade i made it to the regional spelling bee, but did not go on television due to receiving too many technical fouls
09-17-03

technical fouls
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: the scientists dilemma * Text: 

the scientist's dilemma


buy an air conditioner, or just change the laws of physics to make his house cooler??
09-16-03

the scientists dilemma
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: yelling for alcohol * Text: 

LET'S ALL YELL LOUDLY FOR ALCOHOL!!!


WOOOOOOOOOOOOO


not shown here: pitiful desperation to do something useful, children (ETA: two years)
09-16-03

yelling for alcohol
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: the dollar magazine bin * Text: 

i got
09-15-03

the dollar magazine bin
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: someone must die * Text: 

i am sorry, we do not have any open positions right now


that can mean only one thing: SOMEONE MUST DIE
09-14-03

someone must die
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: special kind of cancer * Text: 

i quit my low carb diet when all i had the strength to do was sit and eat sausage and pork rinds and think,
09-14-03

special kind of cancer
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: the inter who * Text: 

do you have access to the internet


the inter-who?


sometimes when i talk to people i pretend like i know nothing about the internet, to avoid talking to them about it
09-14-03

the inter who
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: work gets slow * Text: 

in a world....where nothing is as it seems


when work gets slow i put my glasses on upside down and walk around talking like it is a movie trailer
09-14-03

work gets slow
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: club foot * Text: 

when i was little i thought a
09-13-03

club foot
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: my calculations are correct * Text: 

if my calculations are correct


sometimes i want to get a lab coat and stand on the sidewalk and pretend i am a scientist and when people walk by i will say things like
09-13-03

my calculations are correct
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: its a metaphor * Text: 

i will be back in a few minutes, i have to go drop the kids off at the lake


okay


wait, i thought you didn't have any kids
09-12-03

its a metaphor
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: living in cincinnati * Text: 

ima get my loot on


DOWN WITH WHITES!! UP WITH TAKIN' VCRS!!


every time i see a crappy local band, panhandlers, overpriced housing, or rioting, it reminds me of living in cincinnati
09-12-03

living in cincinnati
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: make like a tree * Text: 

why don't you make like a tree and grow for hundreds of years before being cut down for lumber
09-12-03

make like a tree
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: crooked lip ring * Text: 

if you have a crooked lip ring you might as well get some black jeans and a flannel shirt and hold a sign that says:


welcome to 1993
09-11-03

crooked lip ring
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: high school mustache * Text: 

HIGH SCHOOL MUSTACHE.


n. a mustache having fourteen or fewer actual hairs
09-11-03

high school mustache
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: the eleventh commandment * Text: 

thou shalt ignore the law whenever convenient!!


the eleventh commandment
09-10-03

the eleventh commandment
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: today is wednesday * Text: 

today is wednesday, it is hump day!!


does that make yesterday hump eve
09-10-03

today is wednesday
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: boston terrier business tip * Text: 

BUSINESS TIP:


do not put up pictures of boston terriers in your office, no matter how great they look, because everyone who comes in will try to talk to you about dogs
09-09-03

boston terrier business tip
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: with a shovel * Text: 

a while ago i learned that one of my ancestors once killed another man with a shovel


that either means i have strong genes, or that i have inherited the tendency to drink too much
09-09-03

with a shovel
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: twenty percent off * Text: 

the last time i was in a mall someone sprayed me with some kind of cologne so i gave her a shot of pepper spray and asked her if she would like to have the whole bottle at 20% off
09-08-03

twenty percent off
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: thank you for shopping * Text: 

thank you for shopping at pirateco


if i were a pirate and i ran a small store i would keep receipts on my hand hook
09-07-03

thank you for shopping
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: support our poops * Text: 

thanks to the recent military action i can resume my favorite hobby from 1991: scratching off the T and the leg of the R on patriotic stickers so they read: SUPPORT OUR POOPS
09-06-03

support our poops
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: the manager hunter * Text: 

over there is the rarest of species, the white-collared middle manager! now, i've gotta be real careful, because he has a natural defense mechanism which shifts blame to subordinate employees!
09-06-03

the manager hunter
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: yahoo games * Text: 

what's up, yahoo games click here to find your match on yahoo personals


once i walked into a coworkers office as he was playing online backgammon and until he quit his job, every time i saw him i would call him YAHOO GAMES
09-06-03

yahoo games
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: the marketing department * Text: 

double sided tape is OUT!! we need something fresh...tape that is sticky on THREE SIDES!!


no matter where you work, no matter what you do, the marketing department will always be staffed with people who have irreversible brain damage
09-05-03

the marketing department
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: squished up face * Text: 

i have a golden retriever, he is a good dog, he likes to-


okay enough


any dog without a squished-up face is just retarded and boring
09-04-03

squished up face
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: technology advances * Text: 

no matter how far technology advances, there will never be a better computer accessory than dot matrix printer paper
09-04-03

technology advances
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: one nation under god * Text: 

when will the united states government support islam? the answer is simple: when they start molesting children instead of women
09-03-03

one nation under god
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: number of times i did = 4 * Text: 

average number of times a person will lean too hard on a towel bar: one
09-02-03

number of times i did = 4
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: thank you bumper stickers * Text: 

i was not interested in religion until i saw a car with jesus and god bumper stickers!!


it totally convinced me that i should believe in religion, thank you bumper stickers!!
09-02-03

thank you bumper stickers
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: talk with their hands * Text: 

and then i was like
09-01-03

talk with their hands
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Toothpaste For Dinner archives (by month):

2014: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul
2013: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2012: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2011: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2010: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2009: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2008: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2007: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2006: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2005: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2004: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2003: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2002: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec